Tuesday, September 17, 2013


I think I've exhausted myself already. Four days locked into this room with a stack of reading materials to review, did I overstretch myself too much? My sleep pattern was already unregulated…I fear my old insomnia would come back to haunt me. There were times in the past when I didn’t sleep at night for the whole year.

I’m writing this to distract myself for a while. This is how I release my pressure.

Six years ago, blog was just an instant diary where people put their daily activities online. Then it evolved into a platform where people put their thoughts online. Now it has become a place where young students socialize, making new friends, posting pictures and so on. I still stick to my original intention of Pancasara, to record my thought, my life and my times for future reference.

Pancasara is an entity. It has its own distinct existence. I regard it as my best friend, who has been with me through my best of times, through my worst of times. It’s been with me through thick and thin. I never wished to live long, so when my time is up, Pancasara would live on to tell my side of the story.

I feel a bit of melancholy tonight…maybe because I’m tired. Last night I was worn down by overwork, but I quickly recharged myself after that short break of writing. But tonight I feel completely different…there was no more energy left. And the passion is slowing down. Maybe I think too much? I think something is bothering me. Something fuzzy.

I don't like this feeling.