Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Unlocking Pancasara

Evariste Galois

Ne pleure pas, Alfred! J'ai besoin de tout mon courage pour mourir à vingt ans!
(Don't cry, Alfred! I need all my courage to die at twenty!)

That was Evariste Galois' final remark to his younger brother Alfred before he died of severe abdomen injury (he was fatally shot in the abdomen in a duel).

A math genius, legend has it that Galois knew beforehand of his impending death. The night before his duel, he poured all his mathematical thoughts onto paper which has an everlasting effect on mathematics.

The theory that Galois outlined in these papers is now called Galois theory.

His duel was likely a staged suicide. One writer succinctly described his duel as the result of his unhappiness with his surrounding events. 

"He was weary of life, because of his unhappy love affair, his fruitless efforts for gaining recognition for his mathematical work, his financial and work situation..."

I share many of Galois' disgruntlement (minus his mathematical work) and I can easily identify myself with him (again, identify with his feeling, not with his mathematical wizardry). At times, I feel totally lost, without any direction to guide me through the path of the future. 

I could choose to bring all my memories and feelings with me to the grave. Or I could choose to do a Galois. 

Pour out everything onto paper (or in my case, onto Pancasara, and not mathematical equations as Galois, only my feeling and thinking), so that people could comprehend my real feelings and inner thoughts when I'm long gone.

I am not contemplating suicide anytime soon (God forbid), but I'm not so sure about this life anymore. Maybe my time will come tomorrow? Who knows? We can't never be really sure. 

For all my misdeeds and mistakes, I hope people who knew me still have vacant spaces in their hearts to forgive me.

As for doing a Galois, time will tell.