Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Accuracy Of Death...

What if you know when will you die? If the exact date of your death was told in advance, what will you do just before death come calling?

When I was diagnosed with some kind of disease a year ago, I thought it was just a minor issue. Nothing to worry about...I can continue living my life. Read books, watch movies, play badminton, brush up my squash skills, eat extra meals, surf internet, sleep, dream, sleep again, and work part-time.

Since I was a small child, I was blessed with a great health. I never really contracted major disease, a stark contrast with my sister. Before she turned 7, she was diagnosed with blood cancer (popularly known as Leukemia). Mom and dad tried hard to save her, they gave out their best. One day, an anonymous guy miraculously saved her through blood donor, but mom and dad failed to find that godsend guy. We could never thank him enough for his deed.

When I was in secondary school, sister was caught with another fatal disease. This time around, her lung was found to be filled with water. She had this bad habit of bathing at night. She suffered terribly...and she kept on fighting to survive. She told us she felt very sharp pain whenever Doctor gave her injection...she was running out of tears to cry. She managed to survived this fear eventually...and was discharged off.

From that point onwards, she never really contracted any major disease.

When I was in standard 1 or 2, I accidentally cut my finger. The wound was quite deep, but I hid my hand behind my back, and asked permission from my teacher to go to toilet. On the way out, I showed my bleeding finger to Busra, and she was rightly shocked. I washed my bleeding finger with clean water. Although it wasn’t bleeding profusely, the blood just can’t stop flowing out, and I started to feel out of consciousness. I sat down beside the pipe...and almost fall asleep.

I cheated death on more than one occasions. One day, somewhere in 1993 or 1994, in the middle of a heavy downpour, I recklessly crossed a road. A speeding car came just within a striking distance...even to this day, I still can’t believe my luck. I’d be dead for sure if luck wasn’t on my side that fateful day. And I attributed that luck to God, He still wanted me to continue living and repent whatever sins I’ve committed.

There was one time, I rode my father’s bike so fast in the middle of the night. It was early 2004, and out of nowhere, there’s a voice in my head telling me that something was wrong at the end of the road. I continued speeding while trying very hard to figure what my unconscious mind is trying to tell me. To my horror, the road split into two directions, forming a junction. And there was a river on both sides of the roads. I applied the break just seconds before the splitting road, and it saved my life. I lost control of my bike, went to the ground...but fortunately I escaped that incident injury-free.

There were numerous other occasions where I should be fatally injured...but somehow I managed to dodge all the bad luck. To this date, my bones are never been broken...I keep my frail body in the best condition. I exercised, keep my diet in check, regulated my sleeping hours, and keep my brain recharged by reading good materials. All these are crucial to maintain a good health.

But there were times when things are out of your control. Some ripples turned into a massive tidal wave, a spark turned into a raging fire...these kinds of things disturbed us endlessly. It disrupted our pattern...and we morphed into something else. Something unthinkable...out of this world. It forced us to be somebody else...even thinking of doing foolish thing.I know the matter of life and death is in God’s hand...but I’d be happy if I could live past 60. That time was enough to accomplish my dreams...

Written somewhere around 2007, I found this piece stacked alongside my other unpublished articles in my hard disk.

Inspired by a Japanese movie with the same title (which I never watched), I began writing...but it sent chill to my spine whenever I went through this piece. The thought of suicide was very close to my mind...all the things that surrounded me during that period seemeed too much for me to stomach.

Thank God nothing happened...