Friday, November 27, 2009

On Second Thought, Maybe No...

I was awakened by a loud ring coming from my newly acquired mobile phone.

A locally made brand, CSL stands for Commitment, Service and Loyalty (not Chua Soi Lek) It was bought by my brother from the money made available by my father. I don't even have enough money to buy my own handset...

The call was from Ah Cat...deliberately trying to reach me that early afternoon. She taught me some Hakka dialects the other day...as well as some basic Mandarin. Kyra taught me some in the past...simple words such as Ni, Pu Yao and such. Ah Yong meanwhile, had been giving me some ridiculous Chinese terms such as kannasai, kanine, lao yi, and ah kua.

China is going to rule the world in the near future...so it is imperative to pick up some basic understanding of Mandarin. The west would be fast becoming the thing of the past...our future lies in the east.

(As of 2008, US GDP stood at US$14.2 trillion, Japan at US$4.9 trillion and China was worth US$4.3 trillion. Judging from the stagnant state of Japan's economy and China's robust growth, it's not the matter of if, it's the matter of when China will overtake Japan as the second largest economy in the world. In 30 years or less, China will replace USA as the world’s superpower...at least economically)

Later I found out Ah Cat was trying to ask me out for a lunch together. It seemed like a good idea.

The last time I ventured for shopping together with friends, it was a distant time ago. It was like a fading memory now...

I am frequently on my own. Almost all the time, I think about myself, cared for my own problems. I was totally absorbed in my own world. I don't need friends to survive...I lived alone for nearly one and a half year during that "dark" period. I read lots of books to divert my attention away from that painful feeling...it had been gripping my emotion ever since.

My mind was occupied by the same memories that never seem to fade away...it's been playing again and again like a track from a tape...as if they were trying to mock me. My heart was riveted by a constant fear and anger...it never seem to subside. These have been going on and on inside me until now...

When emptiness filled your heart and soul, you'd lost any bearing of life. When your heart dies, your mind would follow through...

I need to end this deadly cycle once and for all. Going out with a bunch of underage teenagers seems like not a very bad idea. Of course they are raw and young...and have little understanding of life. They have no clue what is waiting for them in the horizon...

"KFC…is it alright?"

"Movie on Monday...is it ok? That 3D cartoon quite interesting…what's the title?"

"Let's buy some snacks!"

And the most bizarre of them is...

"You want to follow us to Genting? 2D 1N...RM 80 only!"

Genting? By themselves? What the...? Kids nowadays are so advanced...

Despite my tendency to be alone, I'm strictly not a puritan. Nor do I believe or follow the puritan attitude of life. Life should be enjoyed as it is. Having a bit of fun isn't dangerous to one's future...as long as we could strike a right balance. I have endured many challenges...none of it succeeded in making me weaker in any aspects. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

On second thought...breezing through the shopping complex with a bunch of Chinese underage teenagers? Fuck hell no...I still have a conscience. I could well be mistakenly viewed as a child trafficker. I am better off sleeping...