I think I've exhausted myself
already. Four days locked into this room with a stack of reading materials to
review, did I overstretch myself too much? My sleep pattern was already
unregulated…I fear my old insomnia would come back to haunt me. There were
times in the past when I didn’t sleep at night for the whole year.
I’m writing this to distract
myself for a while. This is how I release my pressure.
Six years ago, blog was just
an instant diary where people put their daily activities online. Then it
evolved into a platform where people put their thoughts online. Now it has
become a place where young students socialize, making new friends, posting pictures
and so on. I still stick to my original intention of Pancasara, to record my thought,
my life and my times for future reference.
Pancasara is an entity. It
has its own distinct existence. I regard it as my best friend, who has been
with me through my best of times, through my worst of times. It’s been with me
through thick and thin. I never wished to live long, so when my time is up,
Pancasara would live on to tell my side of the story.
I feel a bit of melancholy
tonight…maybe because I’m tired. Last night I was worn down by overwork, but I
quickly recharged myself after that short break of writing. But tonight I feel
completely different…there was no more energy left. And the passion is slowing
down. Maybe I think too much? I think something is bothering me. Something
fuzzy.
I don't like this feeling.
