Preservara

I finished my latest badminton outings on a high note yesterday night. 

Played an overall eight games (one game comprises of at least two sets, rubber set would be played if the first two sets were tied), I won six games and lost two. 

All in all, we played for three hours straight without stopping, starting at nine until a little over midnight. We only took short break to replenish ourselves with drinking water during the middle of the play.

As we sat there totally worn out after the game, I pondered upon my life so far. They were all my friends from my difficult past, yet they were still here alongside me. Playing badminton with me, laughing beside me. I don't know for how long, but I hope they will stay with me till the very end.

Most of them are married, and I knew some of their wives as well because they were from the same workplace of mine before. One of them even brought their two lovely kids to play badminton. The kid went to each one of us to shake and kiss our hands before departing home. It was a sight to behold.

It was this kind of moment that I need to preserve. People nowadays preserve memories in pictures. But I'd rather preserve it in writing. I remember things in words, not in pictures. There is not that much that we could capture inside a picture. But a line of words could give an eternal meaning...especially to those who know how to appreciate it. 

Picture is temporary, words are permanent.

Ogy & Orkes Pondok Ilham - Dan Bila

Out of My Head

ℱαѕтвαℓℓ ~ Ớυт Ớғ ♏y ℋєα∂ Ֆσмєтιмєѕ ι ғєєℓ ℓιкє ι αм ∂яυηк вєнιη∂ тнє ωнєєℓ Ƭнє ωнєєℓ σғ ρσѕѕιвιℓιтy, нσωєνєя ιт мαy яσℓℓ Ḡινє ιт α ѕριη, ѕєє ιғ yσυ cαη ѕσмєнσω ғαcтσя ιη Ƴσυ кησω тнєяє'ѕ αℓωαyѕ мσяє тнαη σηє ωαy Ƭσ ѕαy єxαcтℓy ωнαт yσυ мєαη тσ ѕαy           Шαѕ ι συт мy нєα∂ ‽ Шαѕ ι συт σғ мy мιη∂ ‽           ℋσω cσυℓ∂ ι єνєя вєєη ѕσ вℓιη∂ ‽           ℐ ωαѕ ωαιтιηg ғσя αη ιη∂ιcαтιση, ιт ωαѕ нαя∂ тσ ғιη∂ Ðση'т мαттєя ωнαt ι ѕαy σηℓy ωнαт ι ∂σ ℐ ηєνєя мєαη тσ ∂σ вα∂ тнιηgѕ тσ yσυ Ֆσ qυιєт вυт ι ғιηαℓℓy ωσкє υρ ℐғ yσυ'яє ѕα∂ тнєη ιт'ѕ тιмє yσυ ѕρσкє up тσσ           Шαѕ ι συт мy нєα∂ ‽ Шαѕ ι συт σғ мy мιη∂ ‽           ℋσω cσυℓ∂ ι єνєя вєєη ѕσ вℓιη∂ ‽           ℐ ωαѕ ωαιтιηg ғσя αη ιη∂ιcαтιση, ιт ωαѕ нαя∂ тσ ғιη∂ Ðση'т мαттєя ωнαт ι ѕαy σηℓy ωнαт ι ∂σ ℐ ηєνєя мєαη тσ ∂σ вα∂ тнιηgѕ тσ yσυ Ֆσ qυιєт вυт ι ғιηαℓℓy ωσкє υρ ℐғ yσυ'яє ѕα∂ тнєη ιт'ѕ тιмє yσυ ѕρσкє up тσσ                  Шαѕ ℐ συт σғ мy нєα∂‽ Шαѕ ℐ συт σғ мy мιη∂‽          ℋσω cσυℓ∂ ℐ нανє єνєя вєєη ѕσ вℓιη∂‽          ℐ ωαѕ ωαιтιηg ғσя αη ιη∂ιcαтιση, ιт ωαѕ нαя∂ тσ ғιη∂ Ðση'т мαттєя ωнαт ℐ ѕαy σηℓy ωнαт ℐ ∂σ ℐ ηєνєя мєαη тσ ∂σ вα∂ тнιηgѕ тσ yσυ Ֆσ qυιєт вυт ℐ ғιηαℓℓy ωσкє υρ ℐғ yσυ'яє ѕα∂ тнєη ιт'ѕ тιмє yσυ ѕρσкє υρ тσσ

It's ok NOT to be happy...

"If someone you know in depression suddenly becomes happy, do not be fooled to believe that he has recovered. 

Happiness is a big sign very likely that he has made the decision to commit suicide."

Found this quote hovering over the internet about a week ago.

There is a shred of truth about this quote.

Sometimes, a very depressed person who is known to be really quiet could suddenly become very happy.

Or he could abruptly be funny...or at least tried to be so. He could end up throwing up jokes here and there.

That is a cause for concern.

I already had stayed away from all kind of social media. My last one is WhatsApp. And my last status read like this :

"Time flies like an arrow...there may be no tomorrow..."  

If, somewhere or somehow, that status turns to read like this :

"Time flies like an arrow...fruit flies like a banana..."

Then, something is going terribly wrong. Wake me up if that ever happens.

Never mind. I already quit WhatsApp anyway.

Looking For The Silver Lining...

*Edited & Updated

Just received this very recently in my official mailbox.
This is the most heart-wrenching mail I've ever received in my recent memory.

Assalammualaikum dan Salam Sejahtera,

Dear all beloved ‎ETC family members, 

Thank you so much for the lovely giant card and thank you for the beautiful gift. Thank you for the prayers and thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for making me happy and thank you for being such a good friend. God has been very kind to me and I shall not give up on Him upon this small test. 

I'm diagnose with a brain tumour, but alhamdulillah it is just a benign tumour. There are thousands of people out there suffering a ‎malignant type of tumour and mine is not as bad. Life must go on. Happiness will come when we stop complaining about the trouble we have and say thanks to God for the trouble we don't have. 

Setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan merasa mati, no one can escape that. But how, when and why, only God knows. Life is such an amazing journey and knowing all of you is such a blessing. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend, lovely sisters, brothers and great colleagues. I'm really sorry if I have not done much but I'll keep on doing the very best that I know how and the very best that I can till the last breathe of mine....

Lots of Love,

Zafarina

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone.

Dr Zaf is currently head of ETC (Experimental Therapeutic Centre) of Ipharm. An excellent researcher with eyes for intricate details, she commands her subordinates not through forceful act, but through intrinsic love and care.

She survived a heart attack not long ago. I was told she is still nursing the aftermath of the attack. As far as I know, when a person was struck with a heart attack, a portion of the heart was lost or died forever. It cannot be resurrected.  

A day after sending out this mail, Dr Zaf joined us for a potluck, held to celebrate the birthday of one of the staffs. She casually joked that her birthday should be brought forward early as she didn't know where she will be afterwards...whether "heaven or earth". 

Later, I was made to understand that she will go under the knife to remove the tumor. That was what she meant by "heaven or earth". By heaven she meant the after-world. This revelation truly sent uncomfortable shiver down my spine.

Though I rarely talked to her, I really hope that she fully recovers from her current condition. All my thoughts and prayers are always with her.

Living on a Borrowed Time

Once upon a time, there lived this young prodigious boy of immense talent in the art of painting.

Those who had the rare opportunity to witness his silky touch up front described his talent as "extremely extraordinary". Some even called his art as "sorcery".

And there were a number of overzealous people who called for his execution...because they believed he is the second coming of Jesus, the reincarnation of God.

But that young boy kept marching on. He produced even more landmark masterpiece. His followers and admirers grew even larger. Crowds of people stood for days in front of his humble house just to get a glimpse of him.

But one day, at the age of 25, out of nothing, he suddenly stopped producing his artwork. He locked himself up inside his room, refusing to see anyone, even his family members.

His strange and peculiar behaviour went on for quite some time...to the bafflement of his curious admirers. He was not being himself. Some said he was having depression. Some even said he was being possessed. No one knew the exact reason.

When he reached 30, he committed suicide. He left a farewell note that even the strongest of his family members dared not read. Because the note was written as if he were 25...just before he acted strangely.

That five years period between 25-30 of his life is called "living on a borrowed time". For unknown reason, he was theoretically dead at 25. But he lived on his borrowed time from the past until he practically died on his 30th birthday.

There are people who spiritually die before their body follow suit. In Malay, this is subtly called "jiwanya mati sebelum jasadnya mati".

Why do I produce his story here?

Because I strongly believe that prodigious young boy could be saved.

For five years, he retreated himself out of public...until he finally gave up and retreated himself to the next world. No one even lend him a helping hand. Even when he was dead, people cursed him for taking his own life.

For me, he didn't commit suicide. In fact, people around him let him kill himself.          

The Middle Path

Finished my progress report presentation yesterday.

I am getting better at addressing a crowd of people nowadays. I could answer questions, spontaneously asked audience for questions, and even commenting on certain facts promptly when asked, in front of all the watching eyes.

They were not ordinary people...most have at least Masters degree under their belt, whereas I only possess a very ordinary first degree from a young university. But I didn't feel intimidated, mainly because I have all the facts inside my head. You could argue with me fact to fact, I am all free for that.

But it's still a long way to go before I become fully confident in front of people. For all I know, I'm improving myself day by day.

Today is the birthday of someone whom I hold in high regards...although she may have a different perspective on me. I texted her birthday wishes deep inside the midnight cold...around 3 a.m. Never before I texted her past midnight.

I never wanted to be the first to wish her, because I believed a lot of other people were competing for that spot. If I were to join this chorus of other people, I would be just the other ordinary guy.

But I didn't want to be the last either. That was why I chose that middle spot, in the middle of the night. When everybody else were asleep, I was awake and thinking about her. And praying for her. Sometimes, to be special, we need to take the middle path. Not the first, but not the last either.

She replied this early morning. A very deep and meaningful reply. That just made my day.