Decision

I've read somewhere in the past, that it's not the decision that matters, it's our readiness to deal with the consequences of our decision that really matters. This was the same piece of advice that I gave to Ashikin, when she was in a state of confusion to make a decision. I don't know how she's doing right now, but I've heard she'd already gave birth to a baby boy or girl.

Another piece of advice that I've learned in USM was "when in doubt, do". I tried to apply this line of thinking but half of the time, I failed. Sometimes you need to take a step back and rethink of your strategy when you are in doubt to do something. You need to be full-heartedly sure of what you are going to do before you could readily commit yourself.

So, what is my decision now? All of a sudden, Syafira came out of nowhere and sat right next to me (actually she was sitting on my left, so the proper words should be 'sat left next to me'?) and started surfing the internet. And playing games too. I have no idea.

Semalam, hari ini, esok...

Semalam adalah kenangan...
Hari ini adalah kenyataan...
Esok adalah impian...

Yesterday was a memory...
Today is a reality...
Tomorrow remains a fantasy...

A Mistake?

She hasn't contacted me since Wednesday. Never before she kept quite for this long...I wonder if I've made mistakes somewhere? I've checked my words of writing for her...I don't think it was too strongly worded. It's moderately emotional, not too hard...I'm at a loss to explain what's really going on in her mind. Did she despise me now?

I've watched a movie in which the lead actor did everything possible to save his relationship by doing nothing. Yes...he did everything by NOT doing anything. He basically did nothing. Sometimes we are better off by not what we did, but by what we didn't.

I pray everything will turn out just fine.

New Pancasara

Is there any significance connected to the date of 6th April 2013?

No...nothing of any significance whatsoever happened today.

So, that's why on this insignificant date, I'll resurface from my long dormancy period. Not that my resurfacing would make this date significant, but instinct tells me this is maybe the right time. No one remembers me anymore, indeed if I dropped dead right now in front of this table, in this locked room, no one would ever realized it.

It's quite easy to manoeuver around when no one knows you. I'd like to be like a meteorite...striking deep inside a person's soul and stretch their imagination beyond believe. I've been through hell...I was burned down to ashes physically and mentally, who would have thought I could arise from the ashes with this much vigour and determination? If I could do it, so do other people.

Arise, Pancasara....spread your wings and fly away from the ashes...never look back. You are the new Pheonix. You are the new Pancasara.    

Maa Namyz

Woke up quite early this morning. Went online to check for some updates...noticed my appeal has been accepted. So did Daus. I think he's quite happy with that.

I logged in to Pancasara...and went straight to MAA NAMYZ blog. She was the closest person to me (virtually) during my hard and lonely days. I didn't know her that well...in fact I didn't even meet her in person.

She was the first follower of Pancasara...and she remains so until today. But her blog wasn't updated for a year now...and I wonder what she's been doing right now. Did she marry? Did she find a stable job? I have no answers to that.

Still have many things to do, I haven't write for a long time. I'm warming up for a more serious stuff. But for the moment, this is suffice.

A new beginning?

It's been more than two years...and now I'm blogging 1400 km's away from my last home. Who would have thought it would come out like this? Not me, and certainly not anyone else. No one can predict the future. The path is written by God, only to be discovered by us. I don't know what the future may hold for me, but I sincerely believe this is the right choice. It may not be the best choice, but this is the only choice. Hopefully everything will turn out as planned. I can only hope and keep working hard.

April

April is in the air. Haven't posted anything for years (at least it seems that way to me)

So...what's next?