Thursday, February 28, 2008

"Cross" it like Beckham

Just a few weeks ago, my level of confidence reduced drastically. I faced a big problem and found it to be too difficult to cope with. Though I won't produce details regarding it, it has somehow affected me badly. There was certain time when I felt my life was nearing the end...although I'm glad it never happens (until now). Mounting problems and uncertainty sure have put me into a difficult situation, and I don't receive as much support as well.
Apart from it, Liverpool was not performing well in the league...in the past, when faced with obstacles and difficulties in life, I always turn up to Liverpool. Watching them scoring and winning games is a joy to behold...it made me forget all my problems. They were slumping in form...coupled with dull football and enormous pressure on the manager. I lost my most coveted remedy to my devastating state.
But then came the big news...our Prime Minister had just dissolved the parliament, to make way for the 12th General Election. The news came as a shock to me, as I was predicting parliament won't be dissolved until early March. The next day, Election Commission set the nomination day as of 24th February, and the much-awaited polling day would be held on 8th March.
I'm not into politics...well not until 2005. There were two factors that drove my desire to burst into political scene back then...a horribly failed relationship and a burning curiosity to understand Tun Mahathir's real grouses towards his successor's policy. Since then, I've had a good understanding of the details pertaining to major political parties in Malaysia...their history, their past presidents, their ideologies, including their major events past and present. At 21, I memorized all the presidents, deputy and vice-presidents, as well as top hierarchy of UMNO dating back to 1960's. And now I have a good grasp of what's happening in our political scene, even though I never received formal education in politics.
So the announcement shed some light to my dispirited state...after all, there's something to distract me from my problems other than football. I registered as voter in a booth set up by SPR in USM back in 2006...and there's no looking back then. I followed closely what's happening in our political arena...both in front and behind the scene.
But there was another headache then...I can't find someone whom I could exchange and debate my views in USM, except for a certain Adli Shah. He is a well-read person, and a supporter of UMNO. There was another person, Hadi (whom I barely chatted with) with a good grasp of politics, but he's a one way thinking man...he doesn't accept any views that contradicted his. That is to be expected from a staunch supporter of PAS like him.
Sani dropped off occasionally, and from our conversation, I could derive that he is Anwar supporter. Only during semester break, I could meet Faisal in Langkawi. An ice-cool person with sharp mind, he is the only saviour to my problem. We talked on many issues at ease...ranging from local to international politics. His broad knowledge and maturity sure helped a lot...he has his own ideas and beliefs regarding certain issues. And he sticks to it. He is a sensible PAS supporter by nature, a rare occurrence.
I have nothing against PAS, even though I am an ardent supporter of UMNO. Their ideologies are good (barring some disputable one), their top leaderships are competent (Husam and Nasharuddin) and they have a good ground of support, particularly in Kelantan. But their fanatic (if not idiotic) supporters that irked me...they tarnished the party image badly. Their "holier-than-thou" attitude drove me to lose my temper sometimes. They have this irritating mind-set of "we are more Islamic than you" embedded in them...which give them the immunity to accuse others of not practicing Islam correctly.
I have enormous hatred towards Chinese...but sometimes, these idiotic supporters of PAS surpass my disgust towards Chinese. At times, I hate them more than anything else. Disguised with Islamic slogan, and equipped with "we are more Islamic" mentality, they keep degrading other Muslim's action and behavior. They targeted fellow Muslims as their prime interest, they'll keep quite if non-Muslim raised (or sometimes ridiculed) certain Muslim's practice, as they have little (or zero) knowledge to counter their allegations. In short, they are stupid actually. They know little about Islam, yet acted like they are the savior and protector of Islam.
And they are very good in twisting their tongue too. They will twist and turn to rationalize their ideologies. They are way very judgmental, provocative, rarely open to new idea's...as they viewed themselves as smart enough. They keep deluding themselves...and living their life in denial. They are a bunch of miserable people who wants others to be as miserable as them.
Nobody can change them, only they can change themselves.
On changes, there's no doubt we should revamp our voting system. Before being allowed to vote, we should give voters a simple questionnaire to test their level of knowledge on politics. This is to prevent certain stupid stigma like "I am a Muslim. So I should vote for Islamic party" "I work in government agency, so I have to cast my vote for government. I can't bite the hand that feeds me" "He looks quite hot. So I'll give my vote to him!"
Last two years, I remember talking to my old friend over the phone, on the height of Tun Dr Mahathir criticism of the government. I spoke about the stark differences between Pak Lah and Tun M approach. And she replied, with a serious tone, "You sure they (government) don't attach our phone with special gadget? If they hear this, we'll be detained for sure"
And in another rare occasion, my course mate, a Puteri UMNO member, when asked why did she supported Pak Lah, replied enthusiastically "because we share the same birthday!"
It's a true story. Those words were uttered by our so-called upcoming professionals...both of them are currently pursuing their advance degree, mastering in Chemistry and Physics respectively.
What really happened to our graduates? They are fast degrading in their general knowledge.
Ask any of our undergraduate students about this upcoming election. Hold your nerve and expect some ridiculous answers like "Even if I vote, would it change my grade? U get 4 flat if you vote ?" and "Finish your study first...get a proper job and then vote". Some of them don't even bother to register as voter.
But that was better than a firebrand (fire in the asshole?) Islamic student who infamously questioned the reason behind USM re-imposed ban on friendster web-site. His remark, as published in one of the Malay daily "You come here to study or to play friendster ?"
Nai've, stupid and embarrassing remark. I surfed friendster, read online version of The Sun, browsed through Football365 or Soccernet for update on football, joined various forums on the internet while studying for my final exam. Not a single problem arose for me. I'm glad he doesn't accuse Friendster as "Haram".
That's why I've never voted on campus election, for three consecutive years. Despite warnings and facing possible expulsion from University, I'd rather spend my precious time watching my favourite series "Heroes". They are just not up to it. I attended one of their rallies (Aspirasi), and listened to their speeches. This was what I heard.
"Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera hadirin yang dikasihi sekalian. Berdirinya saya di sini pada hari yang mulia ini tiadalah lain adalah demi hanya untuk ..."What the fuck. It was like I'm listening to a debate competition between Sekolah Mengkudu and Sekolah Parit Asam. It went on with monotonic voice and with no apparent point to stress. I want to hear rousing speeches, the one that can invoke your emotion, instill pride and drive your passion. Not comedic school-like "pidato" like this. That would be my first and last campus-election rally I'd ever attended. Never again.
And SPR should raise the minimum cut-off age eligible to vote. At 21, they are just too young. Although we can't really say age is proportionate to maturity, but with advancing age, comes maturity. We can't just left the future of our country in the hands of these premature voters. They based their votes on emotion...rather than rational thinking. Put it at 65, so only our grandparents can vote. So we can get our exciting granny Maimun Yusuf to be the next Prime Minister.
It is my basic principle that everything must come with reasons, except love. Anything we'd do, there must be some reasons underlying it. I'm a hardcore fan of Liverpool, due to their rich tradition and history. I love squash, as I can play and improve my skills alone without any partner. I love reading, as I can gain new experience, wisdom because I rarely mix with other people. Love, on the other hand, doesn't need to have any reason. I can love Siti out of nothing. If we love somebody for a reason (beauty, money), and suddenly somebody else with the same characteristic turn up, what will happen? Can we love the other person as well? That's cheating your lover.
The same thing applies in politics. I'll cast my vote based on some reasons...not a blind vote just for the sake of voting. If my vote goes to the ruling coalition of BN, it is because I want their excellent track record of development to continue. If my vote goes to the opposition, it is because I want a proper check and balance in our democracy.
I'll be voting in my hometown, for DUN Bukit Kayu Hitam and Parliament of Kubang Pasu. I glanced through the candidate list for the above constituency, and I think I've already made a decision on who'll get my vote. But I'll wait until the last minute to finalize my decision.
I'm off to my hometown in a week time. So whatever happens on the 9 March, I know of all the votes garnered in the previous polling day, one of it comes from me. It will be my first ever experience to vote, so I'm eagerly looking forward to it.
It's high time to "cross"...hope I'll make a decent choice. With a good "cross", it's easier to get into one's "goal"...a "cross" full with emotional intent, with no end in mind, would result in a severe backlash.
And I intend to "cross" it like Beckham.

Life is full of colours again. After all.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Permainan silam

Masa kecik2 dulu, aku minat betul dengan alat mainan. Mungkin bukan aku sorang, rasanya semua budak2 baya2 aku pon macam tu jugak. Aku tinggal di kampong, dalam keadaan serba kekurangan...jadi kebanyakan minat aku pada alat mainan tak dapat ditunaikan mak abah.

Seawal umur aku 5-6 tahun, ada sorang kawan abah...selalu abah panggil dia Ah Loq. Dia kawan baik abah...selalu jugak mai rumah. Rumah dia sebelah kedai Nya kat Tandop. Ada sekali, dia bawak satu kereta control...bukan yang betul2 punya, cuma sekeping gambar. Tapi aku suka...aku menyebai (bahasa Kedah, merajuk stail budak kecik) suruh abah beli. Kali terakhir aku nampak Ah Loq, aku pun tak ingat...tapi rasanya lepas aku masuk sekolah rendah, dah tak pernah nampak dia.

Dalam darjah 2-3, aku ikut mak abah pi Tanjung (Penang, tapi orang2 tua kampong masih sebut Tanjung) Dalam feri, dengan selamba aku termuntah...mungkin sebab mabok laut. Tu kali pertama aku naik feri. Aku ingat dalam laut tu ada ikan paus. Sampai di Pulau, kami singgah rumah Tok cik...dia kerja di Lapangan Terbang Bayan Lepas.

Jalan nak masuk ke rumah dia ada anjing...seram betul nak jalan masuk. Bila dah sampai, Tok cik bagi mainan kapal terbang untuk aku main. Cuma kapal terbang mainan biasa yang ada spring dalam tu...bila kita tekan, dia akan jalan...sampai spring tu abis regang. Suka betul aku main. Esoknya Tok cik bawak pi taman bunga...yang aku ingat, ada banyak monyet kat sana. Mak bagitau Tok cik nak bawak pi tengok kapal terbang, tapi tak jadi.

Masa aku dalam darjah 2-3 jugak, aku baik dengan Zahari. Dia tua setahun atau dua tahun dari aku. Selalu mai rumah, main mainan sekali dengan aku. Masih aku ingat, ada sekali, aku pi rumah dia...main mainan kat rumah dia plak. Tak sangka banyak betul mainan kat rumah dia...siap ada helikopter dengan kapal terbang lagi. Aku main sampai senja...baru ingat nak balik rumah.

Zahari anak tunggal...lahir dalam keluarga yang agak kurang mampu. Rumah dia di tengah2 hutan getah...sunyi dan terasing...lebih kurang sama dengan rumah aku. Selalu bila datang rumah, dia akan main kapal dekat takungan air bawah rumah aku. Dia tak banyak cakap, lebih kurang sama macam aku.

Kemudian, semakin masa berlalu, aku dengan dia makin kurang rapat...hingga tak berjumpa langsung walaupun sekampung. Last aku jumpa Zahari, masa kenduri kawin abang pada mak lang Wardati...aku terperasan dia makan sorang2 kat bawah khemah. Aku terasa nak tegur, tapi aku ntah macam mana fikir nak simpan dulu niat tu. Mungkin ada masa nanti, bila jumpa balik, aku akan tegur dia.

Ternyata, aku dah tak ada peluang lagi nak tegur dia lepas tu. Sebulan kemudian, mak bagitau dia terlibat dalam kemalangan...dan umurnya tak panjang. Moga dia ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang baik2. Semua kenangan aku dengan dia masa zaman kecik2 dulu akan aku simpan baik2.

Dalam darjah 3 jugak, pak ngah selalu datang rumah, dan aku selalu pi rumah pak ngah. Pak ngah kerja dengan Telekom. Masih aku ingat, masa aku ke rumah dia suatu masa tu, terpampang besar2 poster Telekom kat pintu rumah. Aku taktau apa benda Telekom tu...masa tu aku ingat itu ejaan untuk kain telekung. Bunyi nak dekat2 sama "Telekom" dengan "telekung". Biasa la budak2 lagi...lepas beberapa tahun, bila aku dah cerdik sket, baru aku tau apa tu "Telekom".

Masa tu, aku ada tabiat genggam tangan kiri masa makan nasi. Kak cik, anak pak ngah, selalu pelik apa yang aku genggam. Ada sekali, dia pegang dan buka nak tengok apa yang aku pegang kat tangan kiri masa makan nasik. Kelakar betul.

Kat bawah rumah pak ngah, ada buaian. Selalu kak cik lepak situ sambil main Brick-game. Org Kedah panggil "game bata". Masih aku ingat, cekap betul dia main...tapi tak sehandal mak ngah. Masa tu Brick-game boleh di kategorikan sebagai permainan mewah...harga dia cecah RM40. Aku cuba main sekali...best jugak aku rasa.

Sorang lagi yang selalu datang main rumah aku, ialah pak teh..atau org panggil dia Mr bean. Tiap2 hari datang main kat rumah...tapi dengan dia, aku dan adik banyak main permainan kampong. Macam aci ligan, aci sembunyi, toi...main lawan ala kungfu pun ada. Lepas aku pindah masuk asrama dalam 1998, dah jarang jumpa dia...sampai hari ni, dah tak jumpa dia langsung.

Tak lupa jugak, sepupu aku Mumtazzudin. Sampai aku tingkatan 4 pon, dia masih mai main kat rumah. Dia sebaya adik aku. Ada sekali, aku buat dangau atas pokok cempedak belakang rumah. Aku amik port yang paling tinggi...aku bawak buku dragon ball dengan penyiasat remaja naik baca atas tu. Adik aku dengan Mumtazzudin buat dangau kat bawah...kami cabut keluar ubi kayu, pastu bakar dalam lubang. Bila dah masak, makan cicah dengan gula.

Tapi tak boleh lawan dangau belakang rumah Fauzi. Tinggi merayup...aku naik sampai seram sejuk nak turun. Gila betul depa tu...aku plak ntah macam mana boleh try nak naik. Tapi aku memang suka panjat pokok...pantang ada pokok memang aku panjat. Pokok stei belakang rumah aku pon selamba aku panjat dari bahagian ranting dia...sebab aku tak dapat nak panjat dari bahagian dahan pangkal dia. Ada sekali, aku letak galah menyandar kat dahan, pastu panjat naik dari galah tu.

Meningkat naik ke darjah enam, aku kawan baik dengan Pion. Masa ni aku belajar mandi sungai. Aku belajar berenang masa ni jugak...hasil tunjuk ajar Pion dan sepupu aku, Zahid. Selalu mandi sama ada kat titi ataupon pokok asam. Suatu hari, aku tertarik dengan kapal mainan yang dijual kat Tunjang. Aku cadang pada Pion untuk beli...sebab boleh jugak bawak bila mandi sungai. Pion pon tunjuk minat yang sama...dan kami beli kapal mainan tu tak lama kemudian.

Aku test kapal tu dalam kok depan rumah aku...tak la laju sangat...tapi boleh la. Yang aku ingat, aku suka betul main kapal tu masa mandi sungai...aku berenang iring kapal tu masa dalam air.

Masa ni jugak, demam Dash Yankuro melanda. Seingat aku, Firdaus mat Rawi yang mula2 beli keta mainan ni masa kat sekolah, diikuti adik-beradik Azimie. Keta Dash pertama yang aku beli ialah "shooting star"...adik aku punya aku beli yang tak menarik sangat design dia. Tapi keta adik boleh gerak walaupon bateri lemah...banding keta aku yang pemalas takmau gerak.

Kemudian aku minat Poly-station plak bila berkunjung ke rumah Halizal...nampak best jek tengok dia main mortal kombat dengan contra. Aku dapat tau Azimie pon ada Poly-station...pastu aku pi main rumah dia plak. Tapi dia kurang tape2 game yang best. Satu hari tu, aku dengan Azimie pi Jitra...aku support dia beli tape game. Aku pon taktau macam mana aku boleh ada RM50 masa tu...jumlah yang boleh dikira agak besar. Aku bayar dalam RM50...Azimie support yang selebihnya. Tapi skang, tape yang sama boleh dibeli dengan harga kurang RM10.

Ada sekali, aku pinjam Poly-station Azimie bawak balik rumah. Tapi masalahnya, cuma ada satu "tangan" (joystick)...dan aku ingat lagi, aku pi rumah Megat, rumah Jat, semata2 nak pinjam sebelah lagi "tangan". Tapi last2, aku dengan adik main gilir2 dengan satu "tangan" tu. Untuk jimatkan elektrik, mak suruh tutup peti ais, padamkan semua lampu masa main...dan warna di TV dikurangkan untuk menghalang game dari "tarik" warna (pantang-larang game waktu tu) Memang saat tu antara yang paling best sekali...aku dengan adik main sampai puas.

Semakin aku meningkat dewasa, semakin banyak permainan yang aku terpaksa tinggalkan...yang kadang2 buatkan aku rasa sedih. Masa di tingkatan 2, aku kuar cari adik aku (Fauzi) sebab dia tak balik rumah. Aku jumpa adik tengah main kat seberang jalan besar...kat sebelah rumah orang kampong. Adik tengah main mainan atas pasir. Masa tu pokok hujan makin kelam...tapi adik tetap takmau balik. Aku tengok adik main sampai hujan turun...pastu baru aku ajak adik balik sekali lagi. Adik pegang sebuah kapal terbang besar nak bawak balik rumah...tapi aku suruh adik letak balik sebab mainan tu orang punya.

Tapi adik takmau letak...dia tetap nak bawak balik rumah. Sampai tuan rumah tu bagi mainan tu kat adik untuk dia bawak balik. Dalam samar2 hujan, aku bawak adik balik dengan kapal terbang tu melekat kat tangan dia...aku ingat semua ni dengan jelas sampai hari ni. Suka betul adik dengan kapal terbang tu...membuatkan aku teringat balik zaman2 aku sebaya dia dulu. Suatu masa kalau aku ada banyak duit, aku akan beli dia kapal terbang banyak2...tu apa yang aku fikir masa tu.

Jika diberi peluang, aku nak balik semula ke zaman-zaman ni...zaman yang penuh dengan kenangan. Ada orang berpendapat, jangan hidup dengan kenangan-kenangan silam...tapi bagi aku, kenangan-kenangan silam ni yang membuatkan aku terus hidup. Entah kenapa, aku terasa seperti hayat aku takkan panjang...sebab tu aku tulis semuanya dalam blog ni. Selalunya perasaan aku tak tersasar, tapi harap2 dalam hal ni, perasaan aku salah.

Semalam adalah kenangan
Hari ini adalah kenyataan
Esok adalah impian

Semalam adalah memori
Hari ini adalah realiti
Esok adalah fantasi

Mungkin, aku lebih selesa hidup dikelilingi kenangan dan memori...